Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
