Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
