Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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