I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
