Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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