Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every concussion has its silver lining
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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