Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I puked a lego.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
