You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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