id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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