im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
