Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
