That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
