I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
