Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
