My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
