She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
