life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
