I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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