why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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