I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
