Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
last night I used snow as a chaser
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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