hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
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