I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
