hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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