And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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