I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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