You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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