put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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