accomplished twins. life is a go
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
