Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
