Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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