My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
