Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
