I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i think my mom watched the whole time
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
