Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
