So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
