hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
