Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i wish my penis had a tongue
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
