i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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