she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
