I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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