I hate your face
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
