she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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