Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
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you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
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Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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