hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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