I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
