census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
