He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
