i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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