I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
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Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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