i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
