My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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