I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
