Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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