the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
