There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
