she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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