Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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