The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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