when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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