Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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