she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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