PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
