So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
