whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
