I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
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