My balls are so social today.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
