i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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