I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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