The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
