Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
