i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
