After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
